That fool Obama's sanctions against N Korea's industries will fail when he discovers we don't have any
笨蛋奧巴馬對北韓工業的制栽終將失敗，他會發現我們根本沒工業
Now that I've finally seen the movie, my biggest complaint is it took fourteen hours to download with dial-up.
我總算看過那電影了(指The Interview) 。它的最大的問題是以撥號連線要花40小時才能下載完
You mess with N Korea's Internet, you mess with me, coz I'm the only one here who has Internet.
你搞北韓網絡，就是在搞我。因為我是北韓唯一能上網的人
"The Interview" can't possibly be as entertaining as these Sony emails.
"The Interview" 不可能比Sony的電郵更娛人
Attention, North Korea: until further notice, dinner is cancelled.
注意了北韓人：晚飯取消，直至另行通知
It's lonely being the only person in your country with internet.
身為全國唯一能上網的人是很孤獨的
Excuse me, media, but let's not rush to give Mark Zuckerberg credit for being "evil" until he makes an uncle or two disappear.
抱歉媒體，先別急著稱朱伯格為惡魔，除非他令一兩個叔父消失
People say that North Korea has no food. I prefer to say we are gluten-free
人們說北韓沒食物。我比較喜歡稱之為「不含殼膠」
North Koreans: I want to congratulate our team on winning the 2014 FIFA World Cup! No wonder the West refused to let us televise it.
北韓人民，我要祝賀北韓贏得2014年世界杯。難怪西方不讓我們直播
Planning music streaming service for North Korea. Needed: 1) music 2) internet
正計劃在北韓搞音樂串流。只需：1) 音樂 2) 網絡
"Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. We don't do that here." – Dad
授人以魚，只夠他飽足一天。不適用在北韓——我老爸
I have ended our use of drones because when they fail there's no one to execute.
我不再用機械人了。因為當它們出錯，沒有人會被處決
I WILL KEEP FIRING MISSILES INTO THE WATER UNTIL THE WATER SURRENDERS
我會繼續向海丟炸彈，直到大海投降!
I FIRED A MISSILE THE OTHER DAY AND NO ONE EVEN NOTICED YO. FUCK PUTIN FUCK UKRAINE FUCK YALL
我射了一枚飛彈但竟無人注意到。去他的普京，去他的烏克蘭
When I hear that the British have been spying on people through their webcams it almost makes me wish North Korea had the Internet.
聽說英國以Webcam監視人民。我真希望北韓也有網絡
I have NEVER collected the phone records of North Koreans, thanks to my policy of no phones.
我從不會收集北韓人的電話記錄。因為我的政策是不容許有電話
I may not agree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death my right to put you to death for saying it.
我不同意你的話，但我會誓死捍衛我將你因所說的話而被處死的權利
Too bad about Uncle Jang, but when you only have one wifi router in the entire country, you have to make tough decisions.
張叔叔的事情真是太可惜了。但當你全國只有一個wifi路農器，你得作艱難的決定
上回：
People of North Korea: Please stop asking Siri where the food is.
北韓的人民，請別再問Siri食物在哪裡
Nuclear programs are always for peaceful purposes. Drop a nuke on an enemy and suddenly they're peaceful.
核武總是為了和平的。向敵人丟顆核彈，然後他們就會突然很和平。
I want to thank the people of North Korea for agreeing to skip dinner for a week so I can buy an iPhone 5.
我要感激北韓的人民，願意一整個星期沒有晚飯，好讓我能買一部iPhone 5
I may have to invade South Korea to get an iPhone 5
為了得到iPhone5，我可能得進攻南韓
Q: What’s the difference between Mars & N Korea?
A: On Mars there’s a car built after 1957.
問：北韓和火星有何分別?
答：火星上有1957年後生產的車輛
To all North Koreans: Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. So stop whining that there's no lunch or dinner.
致所有北韓人：早餐是一天中最重要的一餐。所以別再抱怨為何沒有午餐或晚餐
The American political system is so much more expensive and time-consuming than our system of poisonings.
美國的選舉制度太花錢和時間了——相比於我們的毒殺制度
It's Labor Day, North Korea. Get off your asses and get to work.
今日是勞動節。北韓的人，抬起你們的屁股去工作
Does my population make me look fat?
是我的人民令我看來比較胖嗎?
My position on immigration is simple: just try and escape.
我的移民政策很簡單：只管嘗試逃亡吧
North Korea really should have the best pole vaulting team, given how many of our people try to escape that way.
北韓應該有最好的撐杆跳選手，我們有太多人嘗試用這種方式逃亡了
Since the West won't let us air the Olympics here, let me congratulate N Korea's women's soccer team on winning the gold!
既然西方不准我們直播奧運，容我在此恭喜北韓女子足球隊奪金!
An average North Korean could easily defeat Usain Bolt if there was a sandwich at the finish line.
隨便一個北韓人都能夠輕易跑贏Usain Bolt(奧運金牌得主，世界紀錄保持者) ，如果在終點放個三文治
If I were running the Olympics, the podium would be: Gold, Silver, Bronze, Executed.
讓我來舉辦奧運的話，獎項將會是：金、銀、銅、處決
Before he won the gold for N Korea in weightlifting, Om Yun Chol practiced by lifting me over his head.
Om Yun Chol奪得舉重金牌前，他的練習是把我高舉過頭
Congratulations to North Korea's champions at the #Olympics! When you come home, you will get the ultimate reward: 2 meals a day.
恭喜北韓的奧運選手! 當你們回家後，你們將會得到終極的獎賞：一天兩餐
Those American bastards say we stole Disney characters from them. Well, they stole The Hunger Games from us.
那些美國的混蛋說我們抄襲了他們的迪士尼角色。但他們也抄襲了我們的《飢餓遊戲》
Facebook is worth 100B? They totally stole the idea of invasion of privacy & imaginary farms from North Korea.
FaceBook價值100億? 他們只不過是完全照抄了我們北韓的「侵犯私隱」和「虛擬農場」
It's hard to find a good Mother's Day present in a country where people eat all the flowers.
在北韓，很難找到合適的母親節禮物，因為大家都把花全吃掉了
I should be worth way more than Facebook, considering I have personal data on everyone in my country.
我應該比Facebook更有價值，因為我擁有北韓裡所有人的個人資料
So far, my austerity measures of no one in the country eating but me are working out great.
一直以來，我的緊縮政策行之有效：全國人都沒飯吃，除了我
A good way to keep markets from panicking after elections is to not have markets or elections.
令市場不會因為選舉而波動的好方法是，沒有市場或沒有選舉
It's been a year since bin Laden said to Dad, "Let me put you on hold. Someone's at the door."
一年前這時候，賓拉登對老爸說：在電話那邊等等，有人敲門
Yall played this dope new game Farmville? Imaginary farms grow imaginary food. Just like North Korea.
玩過開心農場嗎? 在虛擬的農場種稙虛擬的農作物——就跟北韓一樣
I want to spy on all 24 million North Koreans but it's easier just to invite them to join Facebook.
我想監視北韓的所有240萬人民，但我發現直接加他們進Facebook比較簡單
We have police strip-searches in North Korea but only if you're suspected of hiding food.
北韓的警察會搜身，如果你被懷疑藏有食物
To answer a question many of you have asked - Hunger Games is not a documentary about North Korea.
你們問過很多次了：《飢餓遊戲》不是描述北韓的紀錄片
So Putin got 59% of the vote. Know what I call that? Time to arrest the other 41%
普丁以59%的選票獲勝。知道這表示什麼嗎? 是時候逮捕餘下41%的人
If you're waiting for the cable guy, stop complaining. North Korea has been waiting for him since 1971.
如果你在等安裝網絡的工人，別再抱怨了。北韓自1971年就已經在等
Want to lose weight fast? Try spending all the money you currently spend on food on enriched uranium instead.
想減肥嗎? 把你平常用來買食物的錢全部用來買濃縮鈾
I don't understand America's border problems. If people try to escape, you shoot them
我不明白美國的邊防問題。如果有人想逃，射他們
So excited that Jeremy Lin will be playing for N Korea in 2013! Just fine-tuning the kidnapping plan.
很高興林書豪會來北韓打球! (剛微調了綁架計劃)
This Valentine's Day, remember: roses only last a week, but a nuclear weapon is forever.
情人節。要記得：玫瑰一星期就會凋謝，但核彈能永長存
There's no porn in North Korea. Just cooking shows.
北韓沒有A片。只有煮食節目
Charles Dickens would be one of the most beloved authors in N. Korea if reading wasn't punishable by death.
迪更斯本來是北韓最受歡迎的作家，如果他的讀者不是全都被判死的話
Sorry, People Magazine, but no one in North Korea thinks Demi Moore looks thin.
抱歉，《時人》，但北韓裡沒有人認為Demi Moore看來是瘦的
In case you're wondering where Facebook's privacy policy came from, they stole it from the N Korean government.
如果你想知道Facebook的私隱政策是哪裡來的話，他們是從北韓政府那裡偷來的
Since becoming Supreme Leader, I have created 500,000 jobs. The secret is not paying people.
成為偉大領袖後，我創造了500,000個職位。秘訣是不支付薪金
Siri on iPhone = Awesome. Amazing when someone talks without being tortured first
iPhone的Siri =厲害。真神奇，竟然有人能在被折磨前先開口
To mark my birthday today, I have banned hunger in North Korea. The word hunger, that is.
為了紀念我的生日，我在北韓禁止了「飢餓」。「飢餓」這個詞
So Sunday's my birthday and I'm all "Start the countdown!" & suddenly entire military goes on alert.
星期日將會是我的生日。當我說「開始倒數」時突然整個軍方處於戒備狀態
Can someone get me app of Angry Birds? Otherwise will play with actual missiles
有人能給我憤怒鳥的Apps嗎? 不然我只好用真的飛彈來玩
I used to be an unemployed twentysomething still living at home. Now I have nuclear weapons. It's all good, yo.
我過往是個無業的二十多歲家裡蹲。現在我擁有核武。真好作者: JiGo116 時間: 2015-2-6 11:34 AM
